It's off to work I go. Or went. *sigh* Those were the fastest 16 weeks of my life. The last day I was at work was July 12 when I left the office in a crazy "doctor called and said go to the hospital" whirlwind! I missed an entire third of the year and in Cushman and Wakefield time that's practically an eternity. There are so many new faces and some really wonderful people have left. I will say this much, my boss missed me. It's good to be missed :)
Before I got pregnant, or even when I was expecting, I never imagined it would be so hard to head back to work. I'm feeling pretty proud that I only cried in the ladies room once. And maybe a little bit before I left on Monday morning. Both JJ and I had some seperation anxiety. He put up a bit of a hunger strike and I had MAJOR baby withdrawl by 4:00 pm. (want to guess what time I was in the bathroom crying??). I know it's going to get easier with time. At least I hope so. It's going to be a few weeks of working on a new morning routine and getting LOTS of cuddle time at night. Do I sound crazy to say part of me was like...awwww JJ missed his mommy! He was as sad as me! But no, that's not right. I want him to be happy, healthy and independent. But missing me just a little this first week is ok ;)
But seriously, who wouldn't be sad to leave this sweet baby? Look at him!! I know many of you already saw this picture on facebook, but I'm obsessed with it.
I've promised myself to take a few months and get into the groove of things before I really try to analyze how I think it's working out. Right now, I'm having a gut reaction of this being terrible, awful, no good, very bad. I seriously can't think of one good reason I can't carry the baby with me all day at work! I want to work and not leave him all at the same time. Normal, right? Please say yes!
Oh and pumping at work is not the most fun thing to do. I'm dedicated to making this work, I really want to keep breastfeeding for another few months at the bare minimum. But it's not going to be easy. I'm trying to tell myself it's a good opportunity to sit back and relax for 15 minutes a few times a day. Organize my thoughts, day dream about holding my little man :) I'm hoping this is another thing that will get easier with time. Fingers crossed.
I discovered my brain is a bit rusty after 4 months out of work! Just getting through email was a challenge. I won't even tell you how difficult I was finding it to update my monthly office calendar. If everyone can just speak very slowly and repeat themselves often for the next week or so, I think that would be best. Baby turned my brain to mush and I'm assuming it's not appropriate to randomly starting telling people about llama llama red pajama on conference calls.
But for all my complaining, it was sort of nice to be back in the land of adults. I put on make up, high heels and had normal conversation all day long. Did you know that I used to do this every day? It seems so forgeign right now!! The nice thing is, between wearing maternity clothes and being on maternity leave, my work clothes actually haven't seen the light of day in a LONG time. It's been so much less of a struggle to figure out what to wear. I haven't worn any of it in ages! Nothing is boring...yet. Give that a week. Most of it even fits. Not all, but most. Gotta keep working at those last few baby pounds! joy...